Improving a JetBlue Email for Writing Style

A JetBlue email announcing a program change uses a conversational writing style but could use more “you” focus. Students can analyze the message and might identify the following:

• The main points are up front in both the subject line (above the blue bar) and first sentence.

• Although technically correct, the comma after “Hi” and before “Amy” is not conventional. I gave this up after seeing hundreds of business emails without the comma.

• The tone is reassuring and tells customers what they need to know.

• Mostly, the tone is conversational with natural language, for example, “wanted to let you know about a couple upcoming changes.”

• More use of “you” would make the email sound more natural, as in the example below.

• Some language choices sound odd, for example, “To the extent any individual customers are impacted, JetBlue will reach out individually for any required re-accommodation or refund.” I thought airlines learned the “re-accommodation” jargon lesson after United dragged a man out of his seat and off the plane in 2017. How about, “You’ll hear from us separately with options for changing flights.”

• The president and COO signed the letter—always a good example of accountability.

• The president appropriately blames federal action for the change, without being too snarky or getting into the details, which would not be relevant to customers: “We've had so much great member feedback on this partnership and are bluer than usual to see it end, after a federal court ruled that the Northeast Alliance could not continue.”

Overall, this bad-news message sounds neutral and might be the best approach for the situation.